A Journey in the Dark

Q: People define commitment to their relationships in many different ways. We are interested in what commitment in your relationship(s) means to you. In the space provided, please describe for us how you personally define commitment and how it operates in your relationship(s).

A: Taking care of and being taken care of; being considerate; involving the person(s) in all the major aspects and decisions of your life; being emotionally open and vulnerable; spending a lot of time together; planning your future so that it involves both/all of you, and either defining the point at which said commitment will come to an end (due to circumstances that are clear and/or inevitable and known to all parties involved, for example moving abroad), or operate on the basis that it never will; a clear sense of what is expected and a willingness to compromise; mutual respect, honesty, communication, partnership, friendship, flexibility, passion, understanding, trust.


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Q: Please use this space to tell us about anything more you think we need to know. For example, were there parts of the survey that you had problems with? Were you able to answer most things accurately?

A: All in all, I found the survey thorough and fairly precise. The only problem I had was with gender terminology and how gender was classified. (The options provided were 'male', 'female', 'transgender', and 'other' with an open text field.)

Firstly, it was unclear what exactly was being asked. 'Male' and 'female' generally refer to a set of primary and secondary sexual characteristics, not gender (although the two things are somewhat related). Therefore, 'male' and 'female' aren't identities per se, so if it was indeed gender that the inquiry was after, 'man' and 'woman' would have suited this purpose better.

The issue with listing 'transgender' as a stand-alone option for gender was problematic. While the term 'transgender' is often used as an umbrella term to describe a variety of different identities, it is not a gender. A trans* individual mostly identifies primarily as something else, and the term is only applied as an adjective (e.g. 'a transgender woman'); 'transgender' alone isn't an identity. A trans* man, for example, would choose 'male' from the options provided and wouldn't register in the data as someone with a transgender background (if this is relevant data at all). Additionally, any non-binary individuals would most likely fill the open text field, which would again render the standalone 'transgender' option useless.

For future reference, when mapping gender identity, a fairly inclusive list would have 'man', 'woman', 'androgynous', 'neutrois', 'dual-gender', and an open text field ('other: please specify'); if the trans* status of a participant is relevant, it should be asked separately from the gender options, not as one of them.

Thank you very much for participating in this important effort to further understanding of polyamory. We genuinely appreciate your time.

And with a pesky throat infection. Had me in constant high fever for two days straight and with a dizzy head for four. Luckily I got to a doc back in Britain and am on antibiotics for 7 more days. Their health care system seems quite good, and of course it's easy to get treatment as an EU citizen.

Throat infection or no, the trip was great, and I came to like the strangers of the UK quite a bit. Got "ma'am" thrown at me only once, compared to the numerous sir-ings. It was also remarkably refreshing to explore among such diverse crowds. Strangely homey, that. (It seems that so far I've only traveled countries with an overwhelming majority of one race and/or social status.)

Fiore the cat now looks like it's come straight from the pages of a dickensian novel... my parents have this open fireplace, see, with some soot in it as often is the case with fireplaces. And our little devil got a little too acquainted with it. Problem is, I should bathe Fiore but have trouble finding unscented cat shampoo. Maybe I'll go hunting once I'm better.

I'm trying to find a second name. A name to follow, to accompany my first personal name, with which I'm very happy.

This one could lean more towards the masculine, I feel. And I find it absolutely impossible to even consider taking a name that I strongly associate with someone I'm even remotely acquainted with.

But this is what's on my mind right now.

Off to play some Icewind Dale II with andina

Edit: I've built a list of candidates, and they're all "foreign"... I'm such a stereotype.
Edit 2: Right. Here goes. I'll be updating this list again, striking out and adding in. There are so many I'd like, but I just can't, because I know someone of that name and it would just be weird. For example Samuel, Sebastian, Edvard. Also, Kristian would be nice, but I just can't take that name, it's too plainly religious in this language context. Yes, that would bug me. Also flamboyant ones like Gabriel or Florian, Serafim... I know I can be a bit campy sometimes, but not that campy; also, I'm really not that romantic. Mikael is one of my favourite names ever, but it'd clash with my first one. Same story with Amade(us).
Edit 3: Bloody hell, is there anything here that isn't biblical? Sigh.
Edit 4: Crossed out some.

Aaron (From the Hebrew name אַהֲרֹן ('Aharon) which is most likely of unknown Egyptian origin. Other theories claim a Hebrew derivation, and suggest meanings such as "high mountain" or "exalted".)
Aleksanteri (Finnish form of Alexander; Latinized form of the Greek name Αλεξανδρος (Alexandros), which meant "defending men" from Greek αλεξω (alexo) "to defend, help" and ανηρ (aner) "man" (genitive ανδρος).)
Aleksei (Russian form of Alexis; From the Greek name Αλεξις (Alexis), which meant "helper" or "defender", derived from Greek αλεξω (alexo) "to defend, to help".)
Andreas (Ancient Greek and Latin form of Andrew; From the Greek name Ανδρεας (Andreas), which was derived from ανηρ (aner) "man" (genitive ανδρος (andros) "of a man").)
Edvin (Scandinavian, Finnish, Estonian and Hungarian form of Edwin; Means "rich friend" from the Old English elements ead "rich, blessed" and wine "friend".)
Eelis (Cognate of Elijah; From the Hebrew name אֱלִיָּהוּ ('Eliyyahu) meaning "my God is Yahweh)
Elias (Variant of Eelis)
Joonatan (From the Hebrew name יְהוֹנָתָן (Yehonatan) (contracted to יוֹנָתָן (Yonatan)) meaning "Yahweh has given")
Kristof (Hungarian form of Christopher; From the Late Greek name Χριστοφορος (Christophoros) meaning "bearing Christ", derived from Χριστος (Christos) combined with φερω (phero) "to bear, to carry".)
Léof[a] (Roh; Beloved; AS leof beloved one; title of a generous king of Rohan, Brytta; AS brytta giver, lord)
Nikolai (A Russian derivative of Greek Nikolaos, meaning "victor of the people.")
Rafa(e)l (Form of Raphael; From the Hebrew name רָפָאֵל (Rafa'el) which meant "God has healed". In Hebrew tradition Raphael was the name of one of the seven archangels.)
Sinuhe (From the novel The Egyptian by Mika Waltari)
Stefan (Scandinavian form of Stephen; From the Greek name Στεφανος (Stephanos) meaning "crown".)
Sten (Derived from the Old Norse name Steinn meaning "stone".)
Viktor (Victor; Roman name meaning "victor" in Latin.)

( Androgyniasta. )

Minua pyydettiin kirjoittamaan yllä oleva teksti itseäni esittävien kuvien yhteyteen sukupuolen monimuotoisuutta käsittelevässä valokuvanäyttelyssä.

Prosessista.( Lyhyt kooste. )

Pronomineista.( Ulkomaan kielet. ) 

En jaksanut enää kypsytellä näitä mietteitäni tämän pidempää tältä osin. Saatan palata tekstiin myöhemminkin, mutta tämänhetkisessä muodossaan se näyttää nyt tältä. syyskuu on miettinyt myös kirjallisesti vastaavia asioita paljon (ja huomattavasti tiivistetymmin, mikä on hänelle ansioksi - itseltäni moinen tärkeä taito nähtävästi puuttuu). Tässä ovat kuitenkin omat tämänhetkiset mietteeni aiheesta.

( Klikkaa t�st� mietteisiin. )

En todellakaan voi väittää suoltavani tieteellistä tekstiä näillä eväillä, jotka minulla on. Toivon vain kirjoittamalla antavani mahdollisimman selkeän kuvan siitä, miten ajattelen.

Seuraava mielessäni kypsynyt ajatus käsitteleekin puolestaan omaa sukupuoltani sekä sitä, miten siihen suhtaudun ja mitä siitä kaikesta seuraa.